Loneliness psychology made simple

– sachin rana


 “Loneliness is a journey to understand who you really are”.

- Unknown

We all face loneliness at some point in our life.

It does not matter whether we live alone or have a wife or family.

We try to put it under the carpet but it’s always trying to creep into our being.

But one thing is clear without fully understanding the whole game of psychology involved in loneliness.

We can not fully get out of it, we can always run from it and find ways but it will always be there.

It’s because when we understand then there is no need to do anything you automatically get out of it.

It’s like a person who knows the trick of a magician, can it be fooled?

What is loneliness in experiential terms?

woman - lonliness

Loneliness is an utter feeling of isolation where you feel detached from the people around you.

You may be on a football ground with thousands of people around but that isolation still lingers within your heart.

And to counter that painful experience, we do all kinds of neurotic activities like alcohol, smoke, drugs, bad relationship, etc.

That keeps us from understanding and getting into contact with the feeling called loneliness.

I know it because I was also there at one point, I lie in my bed for 10-11 hrs without sleep.

I tried everything that people around me were taking.

From Alcohol, smoke, cricket, video games you name it, and guess what I was still there where I was when I started.

I tried every method that will help me in fighting this thing called loneliness.

But I realised later that  every time i was finding solution , i was actually running away from the pain that keeps me from understanding Loneliness.

Understanding loneliness not running from it?

thoughts representation

When you discard every possible method of running away from the thing called loneliness.

Then you will come in contact with the actuality and then there is the possibility of insight and freedom.

Then there is a new possibility that you didn’t think was possible.

What is the cause of loneliness?

meaning of life

It may be hard to listen to this fact, it needs a great honesty and understanding but you can experience this if you become aware in your daily life.

Our own self-centered activities are the reason for our loneliness.

If you consciously see your daily life you can understand what I am talking about.

From morning till night our whole center of attention and activities is toward our own self.

Your sense of contact with surrounding living beings is cut off which is causing the feeling of utter loneliness.

You are afraid of getting attached to the people around you.

But if you walk one step further with me you will find that there is no need for attachment when you love.

And when I say love it is not something that every person talks about casually now.

The love I am talking about has a sense of the honest relationship between you and all living entities around you.

This love does not depend on anyone and you don’t need to cultivate it, it’s always there when you remove the obstacles and fear created by the mind.

What are some things you can do to understand and get out of loneliness?

These methods are personally developed so it may be unorthodox, but it works on me so it will work on you if you are open and honest.

1 ) Start building connections with people.

Your mind will keep you in that state of loneliness by keeping you in a position of fear and avoidance.

This is the right time to show courage and what I mean by courage is the ability to face fears not the absence of fear.

If you talk with people honestly and have a connection with them you will find loneliness is not that strong.

You can always break it.

2 ) Have contact with animals or children

If you can’t directly trust Adult people, start with animals and children.

They are the most honest creatures on the planet.

Spend some time with them and you will find change in your life.

3 ) Stop making yourself the center of life and start doing something for others

Doing something for others does not mean you have to kill your needs for others.

What I want to convey is to do something that is outside self-centered activity and only help that really requires help and even if he /she can not return your favor.

I know there are people sitting to exploit you and use you, so you have to use your mind and decide whether I am helping or being used.

4 ) Change your mindset to a constructive one by reading books

A good book has the power to make your life better.

Some books that affected my isolation and loneliness are,

  • Freedom from Known – J. Krishnamurti
  • Ignited minds – A.P.j Abdul kalam
  • Who am i – Ramana maharishi
  • The power fo now – Eckhart Tolle

5 ) Awareness of thoughts & feelings without judgment 24*7.

There should be aware of what is going on in your minds & body and outside 24*7.

People call it mindfulness, but it is basically getting being awake to the changing nature of thoughts and emotions.

The more you come in contact with the reality of life the more you will feel your relationship with other humans and living beings.

And it does not have to be taught its always present in everyone, you can see your thoughts and what emotions are running in you right?

We just have to be aware of the beliefs we have created and always match them with reality by using logic and sanity.

6 ) Make your mind like children in the field of psychology.

What I meant by making minds like children is to always be open to understanding new things and ready to learn.

Keeping honesty and kindness in heart.

I don’t mean to do mischief and act stupid in the professional world.

I really like the quote from the bible “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”




Unless you change how you live your life, how you connect with people and be like children.

Do whatever you want, you will find loneliness waiting for you at the end of each entertainment.

Thank You for Reading